Swim Good...

This something I want but don't think I will ever get. past experiences just make it so hard to trust, when you do it comes back to make you feel like a fool. I wish it wasn't something we had to debate on, whether or not we want to put trust in people. I guess that's just how the world works. You risk missing out on something or risk getting your feelings hurt. it's not just the trust you have to let build back with the other person but with yourself. "Am I making a smart decision, did I pick another just like the last?" you mentality get twisted...

I've never really had anything that went to well for me. I've never had trust I've put into someone and it not bite me in my ass. I've never wanted to be that girl that checked phones, pockets, social media and all that. Too much work, but I can understand why a lot do. 

Out of respect of me giving my trust I assume that another would respect me and feel privileged to get it. Trust is something you have to earn. That's where I'm fucking up, I forget not everyone is me. Not everyone has my heart or feels how I feel. I think a lot of us forget from time to time.

Nowadays you have to worry about who wants an Oscar and who wants to be around because they want to be around for you. I've had guys come into my life only because I'm cute not because I have a great personality,  take from me and never give, expect everything under the sun and more, fuck my cousin, and my favorite just be around because I've got my game tight. (when I say I've got my game right and tight I mean I've got my own everything) 

I'll never tell anyone to just go for it and just trust someone because it's been proven that you just can't do that. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong decade. My thoughts on love and life in general just don't fit this generation. I want something real, something that's not in every book or movie screen. I want my own love story that's just for me. Raw+True. I want to be happy, I want to look into someone else's eyes and see happy, see myself happy. Never have a doubt or a question.  Know that what I see is mine and never EVER have to question it. That is how I love, I'll never make another worry. If I'm there, I'm there because I'm in it to win it. I want the championship......not so much a ring and title but the confetti. The feeling, I want that everyday.

 I will tell you though that you have to take some kind of chance. 

We can't always be scared of thinking everyone is out to fuck us over and bleed us dry. It's hard to believe but there are some good ones out there ( although I think some psycho has them all locked up on and island) they're out there. You don't have to put in your all, but dip your toe in. Treat it like swimming, you'll know when your ready to put your head under. They say," its better to love than never to have loved at all." I guess, whoever you are that said that (lol). Fear is what keeps us from a lot of things in life. I setback and let people dog me out simply out of fear and because I thought that's all I should get. You have to take yourself to a level where you know what you want, and how you deserve to get it. No one deserves to be lied to or put through the ringer. Let your strength and fear guide you. Not every situation demands and instant quit, people fuck up. Good people fuck up. Don't let that fear of a mistake make you step back too far from something that could've been that dream.Allow yourself to get out there, slowly. Find someone that's going to be down for you all day. Take time to find something real, something worth it. Someone you can throw your legs over and watch a movie with.